Judgement

If I decide to eat something between the hours of 9-11am or 1-5pm, I feel the need to hide it. I feel like I’m being judged by my fellow employees. It’s almost as if I can hear their thoughts…”Really Melissa, do you really need to be eating again already? You just ate lunch…”.
Today was donut day at work. Each Friday 2 employees are assigned to bring in 2 dozen donuts each. Usually there will be a few leftover for us to munch on in the afternoon if we want. It is 1:36 right now and I just did what felt like “the walk of shame” from the break room to my desk with a donut in my hand. If I heard footsteps near me, I wanted to slip quietly into the nearest cubical until the footsteps were gone. Then, I eat it as fast as I can so there is no proof left behind. But…on the other hand, if I decide to eat a piece of fruit as a snack at 1:36 in the afternoon, I want to flaunt it. I take the long way back to my desk and occasionally stop and chat along the way. All the while, proudly holding my orange slices in my hand. If they could only read my thoughts… “Look over here…look at me…I’m eating a piece of fruit as a snack! Look at how healthy I am! I am taking the best care of myself because I love my baby more than I love donuts”.
But since they can’t hear my thoughts, I just eat my orange slices and go on about my business. One day I’ll realize that the people that I work probably aren't paying as much attention to my eating habits as I think they do. :-)

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

How am I supposed to teach my children healthy eating habits when I don’t eat healthy myself? I’m a very very picky eater. I blame my parents because I believe I may have been a little spoiled as a child. I remember my mom use to make me a hot dog and Macaroni and Cheese to eat during Thanksgiving dinner because I didn’t like turkey back then. Also, when she made chili, she would make two pots…one with beans, and one without for me and my brother. I hate the fact that I am picky because I feel like I’m missing out on what some people think is really great food. But I can’t change my taste buds. I can’t make myself like something that my stomach wants to reject. I think potatoes are gross. I don’t eat fries, potato chips, baked potatoes, etc. But I want my children to like them. I don’t mind cooking them, but how do I explain to my child that I don’t have to eat potatoes, but he does. What if he doesn’t like them either??? Should I still try to make him eat them?

Also, what about things like flossing everyday, making the bed, or saying prayers each night? These are things that I do not do on a daily basis, but they are something I will want my children to do. Does that mean I will start doing them in order to set a good example…or do most parents just use the “do as I say, not as I do” excuse?

I have a feeling that questions like these will be a big part of my life for the next 30 years…and I also have a feeling there are no “correct” answers.

What To Do With All These Questions!!!

Friday night I took some time and finally made myself “nest”. The instinct didn’t kick in, it was completely forced. And once I got started, I got stressed. I went through all of the shower gifts and began to put them away…only to find out I have no idea what to do with all this stuff. So many stressful thoughts went through my head like…Do I need to wash everything before I put it away? What if he never gets the chance to wear it before he grows out of it? Do onsies go in a drawer all their own? Do I put his towels and washcloths with our towels and washcloths or do those stay in his room? Do his lotions and soaps go in the bathroom, or in his room? Where do I put his pacifiers? Do my nursing pads go in his room? Should I hang up his jammies or put them in a drawer? All of these questions sound silly to me now as I type them because I’ve had time to think about it and talk to some friends about what they’ve done. (Kim saved the day when she mentioned using baskets in the drawers. It sounds easy enough, but it never crossed my mind). But Friday night I was in panic mode. So, in order to get everything out of the center of the room, I just shoved everything in drawers and cubbies unwashed and unopened. I’m even using his crib right now as a storage bin. Everything is unorganized, but at least it is out of the way for now. Once we get the shelving done in his closet, I think my stress level will start to deplete.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I think baby Thomas might be experiencing some sort of “nesting” today. He is having a very very busy day. Usually when I’m sitting, he is moving, but once I’m up walking around, he stops. Not today. He doesn’t have time to rest today because he is apparently busy doing something very important in there. I just picture him doing everything he can to prepare for his departure. Making sure his cord is straight, fixing his hair (which judging by my heartburn and indigestion, he’s gonna be a hairy little guy), and maybe even trying to get all that white stuff off of him. :-) I’m sure he wants to look his best for his arrival in just 7 weeks. Yes…I do know that it is probably a little weird that I think my unborn child is “tidying up” in my uterus before he leaves, but hey…these weird and random thought keep me entertained all day long.

Let The Baby Showers Begin

I had my first baby shower last weekend. These things are so much more fun when they are your own. :-) Thomas got lots of awesome gifts, and I ate lots of awesome food. They made chicken cordon blue, Caesar salad, bread, some pear/cream cheese concoction, cake and cheesecake. (Isn’t it a little sad that right now I’m blogging about the food at my baby shower instead of all the wonderful gifts Thomas got?) I can barely remember all the gifts he got because there were so many. I can’t wait until I get a chance to go through them all again and start putting things away. I have no idea where all of it is going to go. Plus, we have 3 more showers left. I’m going to have to start using the trunk of my car for storage.

3 Wishes

If I had 3 wishes when it comes to my pregnancy…

Wish 1 – Thomas is born a healthy, happy, beautiful baby
Wish 2 – Smooth delivery, free of complications
Wish 3 – I’m using this third one very selfishly. I wish that when I go to my next doctor appointment in two weeks, I could get some sort of reaction out of her like… “Holy cow! There is no way this little guy is going to wait until May 9th. He is ready to come out any day now.”

But yesterday, the only thing I could get out of her was “Everything is right on track with your due date.”

Now, I know that I should never wish for anything besides a worry-free pregnancy, just like I’ve had so far, but the suspense is killing me. I want him here now! I want to hold him, kiss him, feed him, rock him, smell him, memorize his face, watch him sleep, hear him cry, teach him, watch him learn, watch him grow. I can’t wait to feel that natural high that I know I’m going to be on once he gets here. The kind of high that makes you smile all day long. The kind of high that makes you think even poop and spit-up is adorable. I want to feel like a mother. I love my nieces and nephews SO SO much….and it is amazing to me to know that I’m going to love baby Thomas 100 times more. That kind of love and that amount of love will be completely new to me, but it’s something I’ve been waiting a long time for. 8 more weeks to go…..

Birthing Class

Tom and I had our birthing class today. It was a lot of fun and I think we both learned a lot. Some parts of this class freaked us out a little. In a video, they show an actual birth, and whoever was video taping this birth, was not afraid to use the zoom button. We got up close and personal with this woman and her baby. It was amazing to see, but totally gross. I couldn't turn away. Tom covered his eyes, but I could see him peeking out between his fingers...just like you would do when watching a scary movie.

I definitely feel more ready now than before. I'm very curious to see how I handle the pain of the contractions and I'm curious to see if I turn into a crazy person or an overly emotional person. In the last few months, I've seen traces of both in myself, so I'm anxious to see which one will win when it comes to labor.

On the back of the booklet the hospital gave us is a little poem. I tried twice to read it during the class, but couldn't get past the first paragrah without tears so I decided to save it until after. Once we got in the truck to head home, I read it...

It is important to me
that I spend a part
of the next few hours
here alone with you in the darkness

You and I will never be this close again,
by morning
you will be a tiny person
all your own.

No longer the kicking, demanding
bulge in my body
that I have grown
to love so well.

I pray God will safely guide you
on your journey tonight
and I ask him for the strength
to help you all I can.

Again you signal your impatience
to be free...
Time to wake up your daddy.

As you can guess, I cried all the way home!

Nester Wanted

Aren’t I supposed to experience “nesting” at some point? My house is in desperate need of this nesting instinct to kick in. I can barely make it up with the stairs with a load of laundry in my hands without taking a break half way up, let alone clean and organize my entire house. My energy is completely gone. If you or anyone you know happens to be going through this nesting stage, please have them drop by my house. I’ll be happy to point them in the direction of the vacuum, broom, mop, etc. I’m sure I could learn a lot from them while I’m parked on the couch with my feet propped up and a bag of Doritos in my hand.