Which Way Do I Go????

I think baby Thomas may be a little confused as to where he is supposed to come out at. He seems to be wanting to push himself out via my abdomen. It’s really cool to watch, but kind of painful. He uses anything he has in there that has some sort of point to it (knees and elbows mainly) and he presses it as hard as he can against my belly. At times I think his tactic might actually work because it feels like he could break the skin. But after a few good tries, he gives up and takes himself a little nap…only to try again in a few hours. Eventually, I hope he takes my advice and heads south.

First Weekly Appointment

Things are happening. We had our first weekly appointment yesterday and we found out that I am “a loose 1cm dilated and 90% effaced”. She’s expecting him to be somewhat early but it’s still hard to tell. He could come tomorrow, or he could come in 2 weeks. My due date is still 3 weeks away. I didn’t really expect there to be any progress because I still feel exactly the same as I have for the last few weeks. But, she did say that some women will have contractions for many many hours to get to the point where I am, so at least we are off to a good start.

Only in my dreams....

I had the worst dream last week and I woke up in tears. Here's how it went down...

Me, Tom and baby Thomas take a trip to Walmart. Tom and I go our seperate ways in the store and I keep baby Thomas with me. I walk over to the jewelry section and set Thomas down. (In a minute, I'll tell you why I set him down, which is the funny part of the dream). A bit later I see my friends Kim and AJ and they are in the furniture section picking out a rocker/glider for us for the baby's room. Next thing I know is my husband is walking towards us with baby Thomas in his arms and he is very angry. I realize that I left Thomas in the jewerly section. I walked off without him and continued shopping. In my dream I begin balling and that is when my alarm went off and I woke up. Even after I was awake, I couldn't stop the tears. I knew it wasn't real, but still...my mind was set on the fact that I left my child in Wal-Mart. It took a long hot shower to bring me back to my senses.

But, the funny part of the dream was the reason why I set Thomas down in the first place. I'm almost a little embarassed to say this, but here it goes. While we were in the jewerly section, I realized I had to pee. So instead of heading off to the bathroom, I decided to pretend I was looking at some jewerly on the bottom shelf...and I squatted down and peed right there on the floor in Wal-Mart. WHY WOULD MY MIND THINK OF DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT??? I kind of understand the "leaving the child behind" part of the dream because it probably symbolized the fact that children are a huge responsibility and they need constant care. It symbolized the fact that it is not just about me anymore. But what in the world does peeing on the floor supposed to symbolize???

Nesting Has Commenced

I FINALLY NESTED!!!! I did what seemed like 15 loads of baby Thomas’ laundry this past weekend. And every time the dryers buzzer went off, I grabbed the laundry basket with a huge smile and headed downstairs to pull all the tiny clothes out. Usually, our clothes will sit in the dryer until I’m sure they are covered with wrinkles. Then they get pulled out of the dryer, only to sit on the couch downstairs for at least 24 hours. Eventually they get folded and hung up, wrinkles and all. But not when it comes to baby Thomas’ clothes. He gets the VIP treatment in our house. I folded and hung up teeny baby clothes all weekend. Tom finished the shelving in Thomas’ room, so now everything has a place. His socks have a place, his towels have a place, his washcloths have a place…everything has its own little place and it has made me feel so much better. So much more ready and relaxed. When I’m home now, I don’t have the shut the door to his unorganized room because of the stress it caused each time I walked by it.

Now we just sit and wait…30 days to go.

Before I was a Mom

A cute little poem my step-sister Lynette sent me. I thought it was worth sharing..


Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.


Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.


Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.


Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.


Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.


Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment,
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom

Diaper Decision

I’m throwing around the idea of using cloth diapers. This is a very hard decision to make, because if we decide to do it, we have to stick with it because the start up cost of this could be around $400-$500 dollars. But, that is it…after you make that purchase, you are done spending. Well, that is not entirely true. Your spending could continue after that depending on if you want to purchase some of the cool, convenient, and eco-friendly accessories. But the cost will never be near what it costs to use disposable diapers for the next 2 ½ years. Plus, we can continue to use the same cloth diapers on our second child.

Until yesterday, I thought a cloth diaper was a thick white towel that needed to be folded a particular way, and pinned to the baby with a pink or blue safety pin. I pictured poop being scrapped out of it before it could be put into a washing machine and I pictured poop stains on every cloth diaper we own. I thought that using cloth diapers made you a bit of a “hippie” (no offence to anyone who uses cloth diapers, and no offence to any hippies). Apparently, times have changed. Nowadays, cloth diapers look just like regular diapers…but cooler. They come in a variety of colors and patterns, they come with covers to prevent possible leaking, they come with Velcro and pull ties to secure the diaper on your baby, and you can purchase flushable liners to put into the diaper.

The main problem I have with this is the laundry end of it. I have a hard time keeping up with my laundry now…I can’t imagine adding 10 diapers to it on a daily basis (plus all the regular laundry baby Thomas will be contributing). I also have to think about when I go back to work. Would my daycare be willing to work with cloth diapers? Would I still be willing to try to keep up with the laundry everyday…plus take care of the baby, the house, and the husband???? I can’t decide if the benefits out weigh the massive amounts of laundry.

It’s a big decision to make. And we will need to make it quick. Is it worth it????